Getting rid of this guy is the only hope you have for a future. It can only be described as a LIVING NIGHTMARE. Thank You for posting this narcisistic love letter I had prior knowledge from reading self help books and therapy for the abuse myself. He doesnt deserve an explanation, or any communication at all. Again, I apologize for the hurt I caused, and I ask for your forgiveness for all the hurt and pain I have caused you, and pray you are healed of that pain soon.. You are better off. He however denies everything categorically. Thank you for sharing your experience, Josi. I kept going back to my feelings and not seeing the reality of what happened to me. chaotic and out of orderThank God i was one of the lucky onesI survived ! I found out through the grape vine of mutual friends that she was getting engaged, some kind of arranged marriage i can only assume. So interesting to read everyones stories. Dont buy it. Its painful to conceptualize never talking or seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years. btw he too found out about their affair later, after he was deported. I cannot describe the way he wrote me, how he behaved, all those words to make me feel so small. I just been able to come out of my house in months and hes playing mind games while I take the high road. But hes become a different person now that I know about his affair. For a start, it is self-indulgent. After days of intense greeve and tears mostly for the big quetions of this relation.. he came and told me he has something with a man. But lets say he calls or texts, then what? If they can see mum and dad as friend they will be much better off for it. He began down grading me, being very demeaning and almost hateful. I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. You see? Xx. I see the light now..it is NOT MY FAULT I did NOTHING wrong.I offered him quality help and a place to live and provided everything while he contributed absolutely NOTHING emotionally or financially to the relationship. Narcissists don't mind getting physical to get what they want. She sounds like she has an addiction either chemical or narcissitic. Being in his presence makes me feel sick to my stomach even after all this time!! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I was onto her game quicker than most, I believe, and called her out for her BS. Hopefully all the skills we need to make us even stronger & all the knowledge we need to ensure that we never ever give away our heart & soul to just anyone who doesnt deserve it and nor will we ever let anyone take from us so much of ourselves. I need help connecting my head to my heart. Kim Saeed and Meeks Fire Media, LLC 2013-2023. They are tortured souls that cant be fixed. He was trying to destroy me, and I fought back. Ive posted it here before but I think it warrants repeating. A few hours later, the second text came through: Did u get my earlier text? I didnt respond to either text. He let me pet his dog, small talk like nothing (what he did to me) ever happened. To some extent I think there is the false assumption that people let themselves be treated badly and dont assert their boundaries. It was not so much the fact that she had not yet paid me the money. I hope youve found yourself a good therapist and now take great care of yourself. Third, they like having more than one source of supply because when they get bored with one, theyll just start a fight and then go off with the other for a while. These exes that the narcissist connects with because theyre still under the narcissists spell. I avoid face to face as much as possible, we communicate via email and phone messages. The problems between us also caused him to pull away from my daughter who had only known him since her birth, after our marriage and we all came to live together their relationship crumbled as well, come the first birth of our 2 daughters together their relationship had completely dissolved. I know that no contact is the best option and will fight to keep it like that. If the narcissist keeps coming back . Thank you for sharing your experiences. Why was he not discarded as quick as me? I know how you feel. By Jodie Milton. And I have allowed it to go on for a very long time (can you say C-PSTD). I love being your pain. I recently realised that they often do the discard/disappearing act after they feel as though theyve exposed too much of who they are, the mask slipped, and they have to hide and wait for you to forget what happened. Related Reading: What Is Narcissistic Abuse - Signs & Healing. it had become so defining, or at least had become a thing that I was constantly engaged with even though my interactions were full of stress depression anger when I went NC I found the emptiness hard to cope with, looking then at my newly ostracized place outside of the community I had up till then freely enjoyed I was now even bereft of the abuser and in a way I was so lonely that I missed even that utterly perverse I know, Now having had this denouement where his approach and my acceptance of it has kind of taken the substance out of my circumstances the definition was clear and easy before I had just felt too that I had come to terms with everything and was getting on getting on. I know borderlines have huge abandonment issues and the fact that I kept leaving him made him much more desperate to have me but narcissists hate when you abandon them as well. So many people told me they felt that he had a personality disorder. You sound young. In conclusion, it is clear that my ex narcissist has not contacted me since our breakup. Very clear for the first time. Its really hard for a guy like me to talk about issues like this. Thanks Kim, could it be because he is about to lose the family home and go bankrupt. What really is bothering me? Never happy, always thinking of nobody else but themselves. . It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). While they have moved on to someone new, they may reach out to see how receptive you are if they see something that reminds them of you. I have taken myself out of the triangle and am allowing them to self destruct. Let them know you are in a manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship. What confuses me the most is how my ex tries to get me to contact him first before he would, say hallo usually by text. And so on. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. I was the happiest woman of the world. The Narcissist will make their partner feel incredible, and have answers to seemingly everything. Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. Told me how beautiful i was spent moey on me was their through my grief . Or does he think this well work out for him in the long run? I did and I am so much happier now. I cant stand it if he does not misses me. -Their way or the highway He knows i should drifting on pink clouds when he contacts me. I went from the frying pan to the fire!! After that an tekst said peace and have a nice life. It s like the N just get a little to charming, romantic, a little to in love, acting to helpfull etc.Just always something over the top. The last contact i had was from my side. There was a place that was open and never seemed to be fulfilled before but youre doing a great job of filling it. They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. When I say Im in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. Im so scared for her! I would, but Im busy right now getting divorced. Please do not underestimate the fear and trauma that a man can cause to a woman and this is not even mentioning the physical violence from the first narc, pinning myself and my baby son to the bed by the neck. Whats stoping her from saying i beat her or abused her? Do you wanna know what it is? Pretty much same story, different couple. When i have had a daughter it would break my heart when she lives here life besides a N. As an extension of this SuperGod.. Where my precious daughter with so much giving love and trying. In my mind he was not taking responsibility for his own words and actions. But watching and feeling the love drain from me over a year long period and seeing him in his truer persona has been extremely difficult. It was like I dropped off the face of the earth. Takes full responsibility. I wouldnt dare to diagnose your woman, just an opinion( Ive been/am in what is known as Psychopathic Mob 7 people (how about this?)). Even if you are bisexual and had a relationship with both a male and a female narc and that is why you feel you can compare the damage the woman did to you as worse than what the man did to you, it still doesnt seem fair to say that all women narcs are worse than male narcs and therefore men suffer more damage than woman. I thought I was going crazy after going through hell with my ex N. I totally agree with anupturnedsoul. That's exactly what my histrionic disordered ex said to me. He lies about the present, he tried to make me think I was crazy about the people he talked to. But i am so F.. volanerble I feel i am not over him yet. His ex girlfriend would always be calling him and inviting him places such as the lake or parties. Ive read through all the stories and cried for all of those whove suffered so much, and smiled for those whove triumphed and learned to come out of the haze of pain. I think he was very injured when I didnt reply to his Happy New Years text. I crawl back now. And he is a very proud man. Where they accuse you of not making sense. He will be back Jan, true narcs always come back. (Yeah, thats truesick f*ck that he is.) My oldest being 9 at the time would hug him and say she loved him and would get a quick pat of disgust with no love returned. If only it were easier to spot them immediately! Meditate twice daily for at least 15 minutes In a futile attempt to get closure, I engaged with my ex-narcissist. Nikki, if your children enjoy seeing him, then it wouldnt hurt to let them. Last year, an ex-colleague started to woo me. Nothing great about it. . He even moved from LA to NY to be with her and they had only been dating a month! So please let me know when you get home and I will call you back. I like the emotional feeling resulting from helping others. Why Cant I Just Leave? These are a few I experienced. I think he blocked my texts and phone number, but I never blew either of them up. So, you know better about your situation. Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. Acting as if the world revolves only around them. He has nobody to control but his own daughter. I dont know about the sex because he found it difficult to get it or keep it up towards the end of us as I was onto him and was setting boundaries, the stress was killing his libido I think, hence the reason this new target suits because she is careful and that suits him because he cant perform ? I have no energy to look out of my son and cook and clean.. I told him there was no need for us to have contact and he said for the kidsxsakes. Thats the handicap. But i acting that ii was very strong and have gained lots of friends. Thanks for your reply Kim. I try only now to be patient to feel my way and not react to this sense of emptiness fill it with other things and in a way hope that in time that the feelings will return but that is only for the experience of flying we are not alone in this world we do not do things only for the thing itself but that experience is surrounded by other people and its those people who are largely the same all of whom stood back and let me be abused. The answer lies in how narcissists apparently view relationships. I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. I raged more than him since he drove me crazy at times. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, What is Hoovering? However 18 months in we get to the facts that no matter how infatuated with her I was. Hope it helps. settlement, yet he does not have a solicitor. His schedule does not allow for consistency.I apologize for the length and the mess that this submitted story is, but may I thank you for having this and giving me a voice and a way to air this.